How Strong You've Become
by I can never tell
Summary: Yuri had a habit of making bad choices. He stayed out too late, he partied too often, and he entertained the wrong sort of people. It's a vicious cycle, but its all coming to end. One night. One moment. All of his small mistakes compile into one monumental downfall. This time there might not be enough to piece back together. Maybe this time, it's best just to let go.


**Exposition~ I needed a break from my other works so I decided to jump of an emotional cliff. Yeah... sorry in advance.**

 **NOTE: малыш translates to "little one"... maybe. I don't speak Russian.**

All too often the ones we take for granted are the ones we need the most.

Yuri Plisetsky isn't what you would call a model citizen. He stays out late, drinks too much, and never bothers to tame his mouth. He's seventeen and spends every day pushing limits. He's unstable and impulsive. He's a societal fuck up, and he embraces it. Yuri doesn't conform to the rules, he never has. But there's only so far things can go before something has to change.

Yuri gripped the vodka bottle tightly as it was passed to him, he took a big swig wincing at the burn and grinning at the buzz. He passed the bottle to one of the "friends" accompanying him under the overpass. He didn't remember their name, it didn't matter. He had money and they were old enough to buy booze. It wasn't friendship so much as it was a partnership. Rain cascades from the sky, it hit the asphalt with a roar. They tucked away in the darkness, passing the bottle back and forth. Headlights approached, cutting through the heavy darkness. His company swore, grabbing the bottle and taking off.

"Hey, guys wait up!" Yuri called over the rain.

"No way man. I'm not getting dragged off for giving liquor to a minor," one of them countered before disappearing into the rain.

"Liquor that I paid for!" Yuri yelled after him. "Asshole."

"Yuri!" A voice boomed behind him. "What the hell do you think you're doing." Yuri rolled his eyes, turning to face the familiar voice.

"What does it look like?" He snapped, glaring at the silhouette of his grandfather. Nikolai frowned at the heavy scent of vodka that hung around his grandson. "Get in the car. We're going home." Nikolai tried to keep his anger in check. Yuri crossed his arms over his chest,

"I'm not going anywhere."

"You're drunk."

"I'm fucking wasted. What's your point?"

"This is not how a champion behaves."

Yuri started laughing. The gut deep, howling laughter that caused him to throw his head back. He took a step, stumbling.

"Champion," he mumbled, another wave of laughter coursing through him.

"Yuri it's time to go." Nikolai reached for his arm. Yuri pulled away running out into the rain. He turned his head up letting the rain run over his face.

"Hear that? I'm a fucking champion!" He screamed into the sky. Thunder answered him with the sound of an explosion. He started shivering, liking the feeling of rain on his face. His grandfather ran out to him.

"Yura, please. You'll regret this in the morning. You'll make yourself sick." Nikolai took off his jacket and wrapped it around Yuri.

"I don't care," Yuri said with an empty smile. Nikolai sighed,

"This is the last time Yuri. It has to be." Yuri blinked rain out of his eyes, the cold was beginning to sober him up. The weight of the world was weighing on him again. "Let's go," Nikolai said pulling on Yuri's arm.

"No! Let go! I'm not going home!" Yuri pulled free. "I'll get drunk if I want to. There's nothing you can do to stop me." Yuri stepped away from him.

"Yuri wait." Nikolai followed after him trying to hear for traffic over the crashing storm. "Stay out of the street. Yuri!" Yuri stumbled down the middle of the road, water dripped off of his hair and clothes.

"Sorry I'm such a fucking disappointment," Yuri said, watching the way the rain puddled around his feet.

Nikolai was shocked. He was trying to assess the situation calmly and failing. This was the third time this month Yuri had snuck out with those twenty-somethings he called friends. Yuri wasn't like them. He was good. He was reasonable. There was a reason behind this behavior. There had to be.

A car zipped along the road. The headlights barely made a dent in the darkness. It was getting closer by the second. Unfortunately, by the time Nikolai saw the headlights the car was already too close.

"Yuri, Move!" He shouted, moving as fast as he could towards his grandson. Yuri looked up, his dizzy mind registered the headlights and the screeching of breaks but his legs didn't move. It didn't seem real. _Guess this is it._ He closed his eyes waiting for the impact.

"No!" Nikolai dove for Yuri, colliding with the thin body sending him flying out of the way. And there it was.

Impact.

It took a while for Yuri to realize he could still feel the sting of rain on his cheeks. His head was aching and his ears were ringing. He rolled over trying to make sense of the world. His eyes fell on the form laying in the street, the headlights of the car illuminating their body, their face.

Grandpa.

Yuri was sober in an instant. He moved as quickly as he could, crawling over the hard asphalt.

"No! No! Grandpa!" Yuri cried, pulling Nikolai into his shaking arms.

"I'm sorry! Please wake up! Please!" Yuri screamed. The rain washed over them, mixing with blood and tears as it collected on the ground around them.

"Help! Someone help!" Yuri roared over the sound of the storm. Tears fell down his face. He pressed his forehead against his grandpa's. He's so cold. Yuri clung to him, sobbing and rocking back and forth. "Grandpa, please! Please be ok. I'll never do it again I promise. Please don't leave me!" Yuri wailed. He could feel Nikolai's shallow breath against his cheek. The driver of the car, a young woman, stood frozen gripping the door of her car.

"I couldn't see you. I tried to stop," she whispered, eyes glued to the blood on the asphalt. "I tried to stop," she said louder. Yuri looked up at her, anger flooded his gaze.

"What are you waiting for? Call for help!" Yuri turned his attention back to his grandpa.

"Just a little longer. Hold on. Hold on." Yuri said under his breath.

Sirens approached in the distance. It all seemed to move in slow motion. The ambulance attendants moved in swiftly, ripping Nikolai from Yuri's arms. Yuri cried out, collapsing onto the road.

"Come on, It's ok." One of the attendings came over and put her hand on his back. "We're going to get both of you some help." He was packed into the ambulance, a blanket was wrapped around him but it didn't stop the shivering. He stared at his grandfather's battered body. His eyes remained closed, he was breathing but barely. The monitor showed his weak heartbeat. In contrast, Yuri's was racing.

 _I did this._

He stared glassy-eyed as the only family he had left was slowly slipping away. The ambulance raced to the nearest hospital, only a few minutes away it was the longest ride of his life.

The hospital was incredibly busy. Doctors, nurses, and patients whirled around in a never ending flurry. Yuri was planted in the eye of the storm. He stood motionless in the middle of the room. Nurses approached him offering him a seat or a cup of coffee. Each time Yuri gave them the blank stare he'd been wearing all night. Time seemed to pass all at once. The room spun in a million different directions and he was chained to the center of it like some kind of demented amusement park ride. The nurse on call tried again,

"Is there someone we can call for you?" Yuri didn't hear her. He didn't even notice she was standing there. "Honey, can you tell me who to call? You're going to want someone here with you." Yuri pulled his grandpa's coat around him tighter. _The one person I want is in your operating room._ She put a hand on his shoulder causing him to flinch and shy away. His mind was still cloudy from the drinks and the accident. Nothing was making sense, his train of thought was way off its track. Who knows how much time had passed. Two minutes or two hours, it was all the same to him. Footsteps run up behind him.

"Yurio!" Yuri stiffened at the voice. Victor bobbed into his line of sight. "What happened? There was an accident? Are you hurt?" Victor brushed Yuri's hair away from his face checking for injuries. Yuri pushed his hands away.

"Why are you here?" He growled. Victor looked taken aback. Yuri's voice was hoarse and scratchy but menacing nonetheless.

"I called him," the nurse from earlier said. "It was the number you last called from this phone." She was holding Yuri's cell phone. He snatched it from her.

"Where did you get this?" His voice rose much louder than before.

"The police found it at the accident site." Yuri shoved it in his pocket with shaking hands. He stared at the ground for a long time.

"Yuuri is on his way. Why didn't you call us?" Victor sounded hurt. Yuri shrugged not taking his eyes off the ground. "How is your grandfather?" Yuri didn't respond. Victor waited a long time, staring at him with worried eyes. "Yurio?" Victor grabbed his shoulder lightly. "Did you hear me?" The nurse didn't look surprised. Yuri had been basically catatonic all night. "Let's just sit down ok?" Victor put his arm around yuri's shoulders guiding him to a row of chairs. Yuri's shaky legs gladly collapsed onto the plastic chair. Victor didn't remove his arm, he could feel Yuri shivering under his damp clothes.

Yuuri arrived shortly. The Japanese man was a mess, clothes were thrown on, hair everywhere, and his glasses were crooked. His eyes locked on Victor and Yuri and he quickly sat next to them.

"Yurio thank God you're alright," he said. Yuri didn't even look over at him.

"He is alright… isn't he?" Yuuri asked Victor. Victor shook his head lightly. It was then Yuuri smelled the booze. Yuri reeked of alcohol.

"You were drinking?" Yuuri whispered under his breath. He stared at Yuri's face, his glassy eyes and roses cheeks. "Are you drunk?"

"No one was supposed to get hurt," Yuri whispered. His breath was saturated with the stench of hard liquor. "It was only one bottle."

Victor sighed, slowly retracting his arm from around the blond teenager.

"Tell us what happened." Yuri seemed to shut down. His eyes darkened, his breathing increased, he grabbed fistfuls of the large coat he was wearing. "Yuri," Victor coaxed, "we can't help you if we don't know what's going on." After a few moments of silence, Yuri took a deep breath.

"I snuck out," he started, voice weak and trembling. "To get wasted with some friends." Victor kept his face neutral. "Grandpa showed up. He came looking for me." Yuri wrapped his arms around himself as if he was trying to manually hold himself together. "There was a car. He pushed me… I-" Yuri cut off, folding in on himself. A sound of pain escaped his lips. "I thought he was dead," he whispered. Victor's hand rubbed his back. Yuri pushed the desire to sob deep down inside him.

"Were you injured when you fell?" Yuuri asked, eyeing the blood stains on Yuri's hands and clothes. Yuri looked down. His hands were scraped but the blood that speckled his forearms and the front of his shirt wasn't his. He rubbed at it his breath coming in short gasps. Yuuri could see the oncoming panic, "Easy, It's ok. Let's get you cleaned up."

Together he and Victor managed to coax Yuri into the men's room. The hardest part was getting him to take off the heavy coat. Yuri stood in front of the mirror. He didn't recognize himself. In just a t-shirt and jeans he looked like a ghost of himself. Yuuri took a wet paper towel and began wiping away the dried blood. His brow was furrowed as he watched Yuri's pale skin come clean. Yuri didn't even wince as Yuuri dabbed at the raw skin on his elbows and palms. Victor stood against the wall trying to wrap his mind around the events of the past few hours. On the phone the nurse had mentioned Nikolai being in surgery, and that things weren't looking good. How could this have happened? He thought. Once Yuri's skin was clean Victor slid the heavy wool coat back around his thin frame. Yuri settled into the thick fabric. "That's better," Yuuri said, throwing the bloody paper towel into the garbage. They moved back to the waiting room. Yuri let Victor place an arm across his shoulders and Yuuri rest a hand on his knee. Their presence gave him a sense of reality. Whether that was better or worse Yuri couldn't tell.

A doctor stepped into the waiting area. "Family of Nikolai Plisetsky?" Yuri shot to his feet. The doctor turned to him. "Your grandfather is out of surgery. He is currently stable, his internal bleeding is under control, but he still has a long way to go from here." Yuri swallowed,

"Can I see him?" The doctor nodded and they were shown the way to Nikolai's room. Yuri walked on anxious legs. He came to a halt outside the door. From the doorway, he could see his grandfather lying motionless, hooked to every kind of machine and tube known to man. This was too real. Yuri couldn't take another step forward, terror wrapped a hand around his heart, crushing it. Yuri turned on his heels, running away from the room. He collided with Victor and Yuuri, His head coming to rest on Victor's chest. He couldn't breathe. Victor almost fell back as Yuri knocked into him. The blond skater gripped fistfuls of Victor's shirt for dear life. He was gasping for air.

"You're alright малыш," Victor said in gentle Russian, wrapping his arms around the shaking boy.

"He's- He's," Yuri gasped.

"I know," Victor said, eyes gazing at the older man in the hospital bed. "It's hard to see him like this. But you want to sit with him don't you?" Victor asked softly. Yuri nodded his head against Victor's chest. He collected himself with a few deep breaths, building up the courage to step into the dim room. Victor and Yuuri walked to get some coffee, giving Yuri some time alone with his grandfather.

Yuri sat next to the bed, his heart pounded painfully in his chest. He carefully took his grandpa's hand in his own. The large calloused hand was much bigger than his, but the lifeless way it laid in his grip brought tears to his eyes. They slipped down his cheeks silently, dropping onto the white sheets.

"I'm sorry I snuck out. I didn't want this to happen," Yuri's voice shook. "You have to get well Grandpa. You have to because I can't do this without you." He put his head down on the mattress, tears soaking into the sheets. "It was a mistake," he cried, "I'll never do it again, just get better and I promise I'll never do it again." Yuri pulled the thin blanket, trying to ease the burning in his chest. "Why did you have to come looking for me?" Yuri demanded. Barbed wire wrapped around his lungs, strangling him. "Wake up! Please Wake up!" Yuri begged. He cried so hard his stomach ached, so hard his head was pounding. A heavy hand rested on his head. Yuri looked up. His grandfather's familiar eyes were cracked open. Yuri's heart jumped,

"Grandpa!" The hand ran through his hair in a soothing motion. Nikolai looked at his grandson with so much love. His beautiful boy. He had his mother's eyes, so cold and blue they looked like they were cut from a frozen pond. "I'm so sorry," Yuri babbled. Nikolai smiled, taking Yuri's hand into his own.

"Oh Yuratchka," he said. Nikolai's eyes teared up as he held tightly to the small hand in his. "Wipe your face, stand straight, and never look back." Yuri used the heel of his hand to brush the tears from his eyes. "Look how strong you've become."

Nikolai could feel his strength fading. His grip on Yuri's hand faltered, his eyes fluttered. Yuri clung to him refusing to release his hand.

"We can go home soon," Yuri began, "and you can show me how to make pirozhki." He squeezed his grandfather's hand. "I'll show you the new program I'm working on, it's got four quads…" Yuri trailed off watching the brightness fade from his grandfather's eyes. "Come on Grandpa, just stay awake for a little longer." His voice wavered. Nikolai's eyes drifted closed, his hand went limp. "Grandpa?"

The monitor started blaring. Loud, erratic beeping filled the room. "Grandpa!" Yuri shot to his feet, "Help! Someone help!" Nurses and doctors spilled into the room. He was pushed out of the way,

"Sir you can't be in here."

"You have to help him."

"You have to leave."

"Please don't let him die!"

Yuri was pulled out of the room by two orderlies. He kicked and fought against them. "Let go! Get off me! Grandpa!" He pulled against their arms as they dragged him into the hallway. "Grandpa! Let go of me! Let go!" His voice echoed off the walls. Down the hall, Victor and Yuuri heard the screaming. Dropping their coffee they sprinted to the hospital room. Victor helped restrain Yuri, wrapping his arms around Yuri and pulling him close. "Please! Don't let him die! Don't let him die!" Yuri clawed at Victor's arms.

"Yuri listen to me, calm down. You have to be still," Victor said into his ear. Yuri watched the swarm of doctors twirl around his grandfather's bed. His eyes were blurry with tears and his surroundings spun out of focus. One thing came in crystal clear; a petrifying sound pierced his ears.

Flatline.

"No," Yuri whispered.

"Time of death-"

"No!" Yuri moaned. He flailed in Victor's arms. "Grandpa! No! No!" His voice shook the entire building. Victor held him tight, Yuri gripped his arms painfully tight. He sank to his knees taking Victor and Yuuri with him. Words no longer came to him so he settled just to scream. Sounds of pain irrupted out of him. The sound a mother makes when she loses her baby, the sound a widow makes at her husband's grave, the sound a child makes losing the only family they had left. The only family he had left.

Tears trailed down Victor's cheeks as he restrained the broken child in his arms. Yuuri had his eyes closed, unable to watch Yuri fall apart.

"I've got you Yura, let it out," Victor said, feeling Yuri's body convulse with tears. "You'll survive this. You're not alone."

And he wasn't. But it sure felt like he was.

 **A.N: Well wasn't that depressing. I published this on archive first but I wanted to stay active on this account as well. I love reading comments. This story will have at least a couple more chapters. And I'm sorry; I love Nikolai (too death. ha. too soon?) but I also know grief is a wonderful character development tool. There will be more Yuri Baby soon, Beka is gonna be there too :)**


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